One Wish...

The men we date is a reflection of our own self worth.

I am worth lonely days, nights, dinners, lunch, breakfast, and sometimes weekends. Other times, I am worth a ravishing dinner, a humble red box movie night, or a frugalistic shopping spree. But you know what? I could not imagine the idea of trading him in for anyone else.

It is not that I am not worth his time. I am worth working hundred hours week in order to spoil me with the best food, the best clothing, the best living expenses. Enough where I don' have to work, and I can follow my dream of being a designer. Enough where I don't ever feel like I am not worth anything to world. He makes sure I feel like one in a million.

Even with offerings of the best, I turn away and stayed humble.

The beginning of my life was filled with torn clothing, worn out shoes and boiled eggs with rice. I spent days on my parents vegetation farm exploring my land for ventures and lore. My toys included a stick, a rock and my dweeb of a brother as bait for the wolves. I don't remember suffering, but I do remember my vivid imagination. One time during my exploration with my backpack filled with gummy worms, holding my little kid brothers hands; I found a waterfall near my dads tad pole pond. It was the most beautiful form of mother nature's pain I have ever seen. I am always so exalted by the beauty, hate and anger in a water fall. The water reminds me of hurtful tears, ripping through the challenge of aged stone. There, I was determined to find a fairy. I spent the next four days exploring my waterfall, climbing, crawling, and picking flowers. One time I hid behind a bush in high hopes that I could trick a fairy to come out. I imagined how wonderful it would be to have a fairy. I didn't want just any fairy, I wanted a magical fairy. I wanted her to grant me wishes and made sure everything sparkled around me all the time.

I strategically planned out devious ways to catch this humanoid dragonfly. I set a trail of gummy worms, crackers, and fried shrimp around the bush I hid behind. One time I fell asleep in the beating sun with a sun burn that caused me to cry ferociously. I worked hard to catch her, in order to have my wish come true. I wanted one wish so bad, the goal from catching a fairy became a goal of obtaining that wish.

My wish was to have pretty curtains for my window.

Sadly, I never caught the fairy. I gave up and ended up wishing upon a star for about a month (RiverSide California has the most beautiful meteor showers during the summers!).

It was pretty odd to think that a 4 year old child did not wished for a nintendo or a barbie doll. Years have gone by and I finally sat down to think about this story. I realized that a window with beautiful curtains was a symbol from my subconcious. A window represented opporutnity. It represented a home. It represented security. The home I lived in was a mobile submarine. I wanted a window attached to a building where I can truly call home.

10 years later, I got that home in Lincoln Nebraska. A beautiful baby blue, humble, and modest home. A back yard with a dead circle spot of grass where my trampoline use to be. After the age of 14, I got everything I ever wanted. Continuously I would point and daddy or mommy would "magically" provide. Even with all the power on my index finger tip, I was fully aware of what was happening. I wished long and hard, and dreamed forever endlessly to have the option of "whatever I want". I realized that nothing came to me out of luck. It wasn't because some fairy felt bad for me and gave me a pitty wish, or one of out the zillion of shooting stars finally granted me that one desire.

My parents gave me everything I wanted because I was their baby (plus they love me endlessly). They abracadabra material loves when I admired an item at the store the moment I set eyes on it. They gave me things because they believe I deserved to look the best, eat the best, and wear the best. In return, I wanted to be the best for them. It wasn't the fairies or the stars that gave me everything I ever wanted. It was my parents.

Now that I am suppose to take care of myself, Texan wants to give me the best.

I agree I am one lucky gal.


Update:
-Germany has been really strict on copyright laws, so if you guys are having trouble watching my videos I will post them here as well photobucket.

-My hair has been falling out more than I am use to (darn cheap shampoo!). I use to use Paul Mitchell Super Skinny ($25.00 a bottle or more!), but I switched to another alternative which was so much better than Paul Mitchel. It's called Cabellina which makes your hair EXTREMELY soft as well as strong healthy and shiny ($6.00 at Wal-mart or CVS). Plus it's a good thing to keep around if you want to do a deep leave in conditioner or grow out your hair.

-Texan and I are planning to start a family by buying a puppy. I really love big dogs, and he really love small dogs (weird I know). I have narrowed it down to a Samoyed puppy, or a white pomeranian baby.

-My website is so exciting to work on!! I really love my new Twinklet jewelry section. It's taking up so much time though. I can't wait to launch it!!

-Also I bought this Insta-Dry from Sally Hansen (CVS, Wal-Mart, Wal-Greens $6.67). It is much cheaper than the OPI stuff and it works great. I will now paint my nails much more often!

-The mechanic guy jacked my money, and Texan got really mad. So we made the guy fix my car and return my money back. I am taking my business elsewhere. Please anyone in Houston, do not go to Alpine AutoWerkes. I have heard horrible reviews from other people as well!

That's it for now. It's 1 a.m and Texan is still not home from work.


-One last note. My dad use to tell me to never argue with an unreasonable person. I love him.